I might need a pen name

To summarize my last post: My current job is perfect in so many ways. But the environment is, in some ways, sapping life out of me. (I think when I learn to find better work / life balance, this will change.)

So, I was thinking about changing jobs. I seemed to have the perfect opportunity lined up, and I was so grateful to just have good things fall in my lap.

Well... The other job changed drastically. So, I called my amazingly patient friend, who is a good thinker / listener, and smart as all-get-out to talk about what I should do. We talked about a lot of things. After talking with this friend and with the company some more, I've decided I'm not changing jobs right away. It just does not seem like the right thing.

But, my friend got me thinking: maybe I need to go back to school. And then I was talking to another friend who mentioned that she knew someone getting a Master's in -- get this -- children's literature. And it's in Australia! And I thought: that would be so great!

So, I'm thinking: maybe I could get a Master's in Creative Writing, with an emphasis in children's literature. (Whether or not I go to Australia to do it is debatable... I wouldn't mind it.)

What do you think?

Considerations: formal schooling is not my favorite thing in the whole world; creative writing is maybe a little useless; it wouldn't really help me if I stay in my current area of Communications -- although maybe just the fact that I have a Master's would help; it's expensive; I'd love to be a (more) published author; it sounds really fun.

Every day there's a [girl] in the mirror asking me, "What are you doing here?"

I have a great job. Really great. It's cool, interesting, meaningful, variable, and just plain ol' good. Especially on days like today: I love being part of the creative, inventive process. It's fun to go to a film shoot, work with people on a script I wrote, worry about lighting and staging, camera angles and framing, cuts and retakes, and just to work with good people and help others relax. I love it.

I love writing interesting things. I love writing things that can change the way people think about something -- in a good and honest way, of course. (I know the PR wrap.) I love figuring out how to couch things, frame them, and make them applicable to different audiences. I love the power of language.

I love art directing -- worrying about what kind of paper to use and what layout best communicates a message. Going to photo shoots to make sure we have have the perfect picture. Thinking about ways to pull out interesting words, phrases, and key messages visually.

I love being able to be part of, and even lead sometimes, teams that are working to make meaningful change. I like being part of the investigational process, coming up with and implementing solutions, planning for various needs.

It's all very interesting. I love seeing how these all interface to influence people and to communicate a message.

So... (you say) what is the point of this blog entry? Are you just bragging about how much you like your job? The funny thing is: I don't.

Why? I don't quite know. And that's why the girl in the mirror is asking me, "What are you doing here?" I am conflicted; sometimes I wonder if it's by nature. But really I think it's just that I know what I am at heart, but sometimes what you are at heart and how your life works out don't coincide. Hence, conflict. So, how does one sort this out? Lately I've been telling people that my job is great, but that -- since I started as an intern -- I'm not ever going to stop being an "intern" to some people mentally, unless I leave and come back. Even though I haven't been an intern for a long time, or even really done intern work. Does that sound reasonable? How do you sort out your life path? Suggestions? Does anyone really ever have it worked out?

Let me think...

Or not. I just learned that your brain stores cuss words in a brain compartment separate from all other words. Moreover, this compartment never erases itself -- or forgets. Swearing almost becomes an autonomic response, more than it is a conscious choice. Certainly it makes it harder to overcome, and more likely to reappear. Interesting, eh?

Of course I have opinions about what this means for people, but I'll keep those to myself.

More fun?

I think it would be really cool if I had the impossible technology that most movies/tv shows have where you can take a still photo, such as seen below, and rotate it around like a 3D rendering. Then you could see better, I could have a better angled picture, and um... it would be fun? Anyway, it's hard to tell from this photo just how blond it is, but it's quite blond. This is the blondest I've ever been.